don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
