bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
