mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
