She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
