I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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