Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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