They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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