I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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