dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
