so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
