Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
