This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
