I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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