i just had sex bonerless
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
