her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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