my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
