Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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