you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
