Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
