Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
