Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you have feelings for this penis?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
