I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
