i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
