so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
