i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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