Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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