I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
