so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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