I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
