i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
