I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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