i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
