Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
