I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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