I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize