and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
