So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
