The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
