she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
True strength comes from lack of pants
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
