Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
