His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
