Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
