No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
