I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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