I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
