I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
