She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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