Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
