if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
