Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
