i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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