I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
