But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have post one night stand depression
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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