Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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