Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
