Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
