Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
