I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
