I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
