You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
