I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
