I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
